


Catharsis

by dormiensa



Category: Good Omens (TV)
Genre: Gen, Humor, M/M, Missing Scene
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-06-24
Updated: 2019-06-30
Packaged: 2020-05-18 18:17:23
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 3
Words: 989
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/19339951
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/dormiensa/pseuds/dormiensa
Summary: The Greeks got it right.  (Sort of.)





	1. Chapter 1

Aziraphale tried to concentrate. After all, this was the premiere of a new form of theatre that the Hellenes were calling a “play”. But as the actor droned on about the (usual) proclivities of Zeus, his mind fixated once again on the new epic tale that was being told in the agorae of the towns in the area. About a Titan named Prometheus, who took pity on the hapless mortals and brought them fire to soothe and protect them. Aziraphale had gathered with others interested in this new fantastic tale about how the earliest ancestors survived to build their great towns. But as the tale progressed, he became more and more uncomfortable. 

He’d stopped listening to the tale (and therefore did not know the ending, which meant he would need to suffer through another telling in the neighbouring town) when, in a flash, he realized its origins. As in _who bloody told his darkest secret_. He shuddered. He was certain that he would be visited by some celestial being demanding an explanation.

As he exited the theatre, he still brooded on the matter and how to confront the guilty party when said party slapped his back and exclaimed, “That was bloody hilarious! I say, these humans really take creativity to new heights!”

Aziraphale took a deep breath and rounded on his companion, whispering fiercely, “It was _you_! I know it was! _Why_ would you tell them?!”

Crowley’s smile faded. He cocked his head. “What in damnation are you on about now?”

“ _The sword!_ Why did you tell them about how I lost the sword? Now I’m going to need to think of a big enough miracle to perform in hopes Head Office doesn’t get wind of it!”

Crowley rolled his eyes. “I wouldn’t worry about it. It’s not the first story these mortals have invented about how fire came about.”

“Yes, but it’s the first time that they tell of a non-mortal being who gives it to them _out of pity_!”

Crowley sighed. He dragged the protesting angel back to his quarters and plied him with wine until he calmed down. He promised the angel that he’d fix the matter and that he shouldn’t worry his fluffy little wings over it.

That night, he whispered into the slumbering storyteller’s ear the story of how Satan had punished Ligur for failing to ensnare King David.


	2. Chapter 2

Satan was drowning his sorrows. As he stared morosely into his goblet, he whined, “Why? Why would he defy me in such a way? And before all those mortals! _She_ must be laughing fit to kill—not that _She_ could _die_. It’s so unfair! All this time, all this careful planning. To be thwarted by my own son!”

A hand gingerly patted his shoulder. “Oh, buck up, Luci! ’s not all bad! At least you know for sure he’s your son. Blackest of the black souls he’s got. Not a hint of any residual, um, piety.”

Satan pouted at his companion. “What do you mean, Hermes?”

“Well, you defied _Her_ all those years ago. Got dropped into that great pool of steaming lava and all that. The humans have this phrase: ‘the apple falls not far from the tree’. Meaning that children take after their parents. So, naturally, your son _had_ to defy you! Stands to reason!”


	3. Chapter 3

The gate opened before he could request permission for entry. 

He made his way to the usual bench and seated himself. God finally turned Her head.

“Zeus.”

“YHWH.” There was a pause. “So, things have gone according to Plan.”

“Indeed. And I must thank you and your fellow Olympians for your part. That body you made and endowed exactly matched Lucifer’s type. I didn’t expect you to agree so readily…”

“Water under the bridge, my dear. I _was_ terribly hurt when I discovered that You’d chosen Odin as the sire of Your precious boy rather than me, but after my pride recovered, I could see the wisdom. An Odinson would have more obediently followed your instructions.”

God sighed. “Yes. His line is terribly predictable in that way. You must admit that if we’d joined, our offspring would be much too tempted by the pleasures of the flesh and be completely unsuitable for That Fate. If it is any consolation, I refused Odin’s offer to have Loki disguise as the mortal to bear the Anti-Christ.”

Zeus snorted. “That would prove more disastrous than even the Norns and the Moirai combined could fathom and control.”

“Yes. I have given instructions for double the supply of honey and nectar to be delivered to Olympus. Consider it a small ‘thank you’.”

“Odin still partial to the golden apples, I take it?”

“He can hardly help it. You’ve seen Asgard.”

Zeus shuddered. 

God hesitated but finally said, “I always wondered how _he_ could have produced a son adept at controlling thunder and lightning when _you_ —” She paused and blinked at Zeus’ grin. “Oh. And is the boy aware that—”

“Of course not. Our realms can hardly co-exist if any of them ever find out.”

God nodded. 

“So, now that one of Your plans has reached completion, what will happen next?”

“I feel a holiday is in order. Time may not matter, but surely even a deity deserves some repose. My last Sabbath feels like an age ago. Perhaps I will walk among these mortals, see what has enamoured an angel underling and a prized demon so much that they would break centuries of conditioning—even if they were meant to.”

Zeus laughed. “I think you will enjoy the experience very much. And if you tire of meddling, you know you’re always welcome to stay with us for a spell.”

“Thank you. I will give Hera sufficient notice should I decide to visit.’

“Excellent! Well, I’d better head home. Apollo is debuting a new composition. Must be there to support the boy, you know.”

“My regards to Hera. So long, farewell!”

“Auf Wiedersehen, goodbye!”

**Author's Note:**

> just some silly musings.


End file.
